What is it about jerks that makes them hard to get over? Or stop thinking about? Is it is because we are SO confused by how one person can be such an asshole that we hold onto some naive hope they’ll prove otherwise? Is the rule that the jerkier they are, the harder it is to move on? Common sense and logic says it should be easier, a clean cut, a head held high movement that tells your feet to walk out. But it never seems to work that way.
The jerks seem to be the hardest heartbreak (for me, anyway). Maybe most of it is anger at myself for ignoring the signs or for making such poor judgement or stupidly thinking he was a good guy. It’s some innate desire to not be wrong when he proves to be THAT guy, even when you’ve sworn you were no longer going to ever date THAT type of guy again.
So I beat a dead horse again and again. Revive it, just to beat it down some more. Each time I think I can’t be hurt even more than I have in the past, I somehow manage to stumble another man that manages do just that. Of course there are good guys out there, but apparently I seem to keep on attracting the bad ones.
I’m not asking for much. I’m not even looking for a boyfriend. Just nice guys that I have a connection that I can get to know better, platonic of otherwise. I’m a low-maitnenced girl. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I need to start asking for more, demanding more respect.
Does it ever get easier?
4 comments
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January 8, 2009 at 6:15 pm
Mel Heth
You’re exactly right. You have to demand more. A much older, wiser friend once told me “you get what you think you deserve.”
So if you’re just focusing on deserving nice guys you have a connection with – you might only be attracting half of what you want. You get the connection part, but then it peters out.
The a-holes are the hardest ones to get over, for sure. I think it’s because they always feel the most final. Nice guys always seem like maybe, some day you might rekindle with them. Or at least have a good friendship. But the jerk break-ups seem like the end of all ends.
It does get better, though. I promise. A lot of it is learning to trust yourself, your instincts, and what you know you want and deserve.
January 8, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Jane Moneypenny
Thanks, Mel. I need to remember to demand more! Glad to know it gets easier. You’re right, with jerks, it’s over and it kills everything that you were working at. Sigh.
January 11, 2009 at 10:55 am
Dating Tips
yeah you’re right. trust your intincts.. it will help
chris
January 11, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Laura
I think that it gets easier because you recognize yourself and your own needs, and can–somewhat–notice a jerk coming, or at least a guy that doesn’t meet your needs. That seems to be key, not waivering in what you want because maybe he’ll be okay, but to stick to what you truly feel is or is not a connection.