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Summer always seems to bring change. The end of May into the beginning to June begs for it. After years of watching people leave me and go on their adventures, I finally go to go on my own last year. This time around, I watch my friends go off on their own version of “Jane Moneypenny’s Quarterlife Crisis” move.
In 2 weeks, I return to St. Louis for a much needed visit and relaxation. After 8 months away and almost a year to the date I moved, it’s going to be a mixture of emotions. Hope for the friends packing to move away, sadness to not see those that left, and excitement to feel that familiarity I’ve been missing. I want to return victorious and awesome, as if moving away was the best choice of my life and leaving was great for my soul, my heart, my perspective. But I’m not confident that’s the case.
A year ago, I was leaving for this great unknown adventure with so much potential. Now I’ll return with a lot of mental and emotional exhaustion and unsure of where I belong. I hate my job, still haven’t found the right group of friends and got hurt by guys I should have learned to stay away from.
In some twisted way to control my return, I signed up for a hellish 3 weeks of fitness boot camp. It’s grueling and my shin splints have stopped me from pushing myself all the way. While everyone runs, I have to sit on the sidelines doing modified leg exercises. I feel like a failure, even though I know the fact I’m even doing this boot camp is already its own success. So I keep pushing each day, biting back the pain and thinking of how good it will feel to look tan and toned when I return. Or at least that’s what I imagine in my head as happening, even though 3 weeks is not going to magically give me the body of my dreams.
After all, there ARE old crushes and exes to be seen. 
There are some days I wake up in the morning, stumble into the bathroom and sigh when I look into the mirror. Those are the days I hate my slight overbite (curses to me for not wearing my retainer enough when I was younger), hate my round face and chubby cheeks, hate that one breast is bigger than the other and wish my gut would magically eliminiate.
I never really had much a self-image or self-esteem issue until college when guys entered my life. Going to an all-girl Catholic high school actually boosted my confidence, never having to worry about how I looked or needing to impress someone. My high school boyfriend was the local all-boy high school standard and I rarely felt insecure.
But now, at the age of 25 (26 in a little more than a week!), I seem to feel these issues weighing on me. It’s not something I obsess about, but it’s in the back of my mind when I see pictures of myself or have to meet new people. People who meet me always comment that I seem confident, sure of myself and ready to take on the world. Why do I feel the opposite? Starting over in new city seems to have made me evaluate every part of my life – my career, my personality, my social life…
And I’m still struggling, trying desperately to find patience. I have mixed feelings about my first birthday in Austin; it feels strange and unfamiliar, like I’m an imposter. The people around me still don’t seem to fully understand me and I don’t think I’ll ever fully trust them. It feels wrong to spend it with them. Isn’t that a strange thought?
Too bad moving to a new city didn’t entail a full physical makeover. But I guess that probably wouldn’t fix the inner angst that has been sticking to my insides for the last 8 months.
Despite having one of those unforgivable life-changing years, I ended up spending the last day with no plans. In the last 3 hours of 2008, I was alone in my apartment, but on the phone with one best friend, who lives states away from her Marine-husband and online with another best friend, who’s boyfriend is staying with her family as she goes slowly insane. All 3 of us in vastly different stages of life, but all unhappy on NYE. It was a startling reminder that maybe the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
So 2008 ended with a quiet whimper. No crazy party, no giant blow-out celebration for an incredibly amazing year. I was disappointed and sad not to be home in New Orleans with the annual traditions of the 31st, but at 12:01, as predicted, my loving friends called from the same balcony they have every year to whoever isn’t there.
It’s almost embarrassing to admit I was alone, but it’s just another day in theory. The clock continues to tick and life goes on. It may not have ended the way I wanted it to, but it certainly doesn’t stop my momentum for having an even better 2009!
I used to make resolutions, break them, feel bad and laugh it off. But last year, I actually accomplished all mine from making new friends to moving out of St. Louis to backpacking in Europe to starting over in a new city. I even followed through with the promise to not get caught up with guys that would be an obstacle to those dreams. Even though I’m a very different person emotionally and mentally than I was a year ago today, I think I’m still haunted by the looming feeling of loneliness that used to seep into my life in St. Louis. So in 2009, I’ll swallow my fear of social situations and dating and new things and keep pushing forward! Always seek adventure.
Other realistic resolutions (instead of making vague general ones, I’m going to make specific ones so it’ll actually happen):
LEARN JAZZ PIANO: a life dream of mine, so I start lessons next week! After playing classical piano for 12 years until I went to college, I miss the ivories and will attempt to make a return.
LOSE 20 POUNDS BY JUNE: I’ll continue to take 5-6 flights of stairs up and down everyday. One day, I’ll manage to go from floor 5-17. Someday. Walk to places to eat at work when we go out and take a 20 minute walk even when I have lunch at work.
TRAVEL MORE: I’m addicted. Wanderlust (or maybe I’m a wanderslut…). Will find time and money somehow to continue this dream! Maybe South America in early April?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH DRUNK GUYS: Due to my lack of drinking, it happens often that I end up in bed with drunk guys. And yes, technically I’m the one in control here (“you SO took advantage of him being wasted,” laughed a friend), but the emotional afterwards is too confusing and achy. I have a feeling this one will be the toughest one to keep. Amazing how different things were a year ago…
With that said, good luck to everyone and their resolutions! What are some of yours?
After 10 months of not a single bit of action, even kissing, the planets have aligned for a bizarre few weeks.
This is a long one, folks. My life is actually interesting this week.
Part of selling my soul to the corporate world means going on actual business trips, including training for new hires. So when I found out that the attractive funny co-worker was also in our small group heading to Santa Monica, I was excited to finally have a conversation with him. Since we don’t work together, we never had a conversation; I wasn’t sure if he even knew I existed!
Long story short, when we started talking, I found that we had a lot in common, both in world views, careers and endless wanderlust. During the cocktail hour the first night, we would catch the other’s eyes across the crowd and grin at the awkwardness of meeting new people. As time went by, he went from checking his email while kneeling at the foot of the bed to sitting on the bed to lying on the bed. I would even go as far to say that we had become friends (phone numbers exchanged the first day as we walked along the beach eating ice cream).
And in all cases of conferences, the last night is always the biggest party of it all. Good food, all alcohol paid for and a group of employees happy not to be at work. At 2am, as the group settled in a pool cabana at the hotel, we wandered to our own and proceeded to talk for hours until he had relatively sobered up and about to fall asleep.
Fall asleep? Yeah, right. After hours, he finally made a move (after massaging my calf when I pulled a muscle) and sleepily ducked his head and mumbled that wanted to kiss me. So yes, at 4am on a cool fall night, I found myself making out with a co-worker (witty banter included) in a heated cabana by the pool. Neither one of us could stay awake much longer and after an embarrassing walk pass the cleaning crew and back down to fix my non-working room card, we both crashed hard.
As of now, no bad awkwardness. We agreed to keep it quiet to avoid an HR nightmare or being the tail end of gossip. Not being able to sit on this big of a story, I had to tell my closest girlfriends at work – I have 100% trust in them – and their reaction seemed to validate everything. Since all of them have boyfriends, their main reply was, “I’m so jealous! He’s so cute. And funny. And awesome (insert increasing number of exclamation points).”
As for the semantics, as much as I like him and would love to see where it goes, we DO work together and that’s an iffy situation. At the same time, it’s rare to meet someone and have such a connection. Either way, if it took him forever to kiss me, I can’t imagine how long it’ll take to ask me out (trust me, I’ve given him numerous opportunities). As tempting as it is to make the first move, I’m tired of always being the first to connect after a hook-up and getting no response and feeling defeated. Since I see him every day, my anxiety level on the situation is surprisingly slow since there’s no constant voice in my head wondering, “When will I see him again? What if he never talks to me again?.” So I’m going to take a breather and sit on this one and just let it roll. See how much I’ve matured?
On the other hand, there’s Mr. One Night Stand (ONS), who as of last night, became Mr. TNS.
My bad luck continues to follow me like a dark cloud over my head, no matter how far I run. Got into a car accident this weekend (right after I found a great apartment only to discover later that it’s a lot further southwest than I realized). It’s funny how, even at the age of 25 and being on my own, my first thought in an accident is “My parents are going to kill me.”
I was completely at fault due to ignoring the inner voice in my head to not drive forward in a left turn only lane. Of course, the other car wasn’t happy with me and claimed pain and neck problems. Meanwhile, I’ve stepped into a thorny bush on the side of the road and staring at disbelief at my bleeding ankle.
The next thing I knew, ambulance and fire truck have shown up (yes, really) and neck braces are being placed on the two people in the other car. By this time, I’ve gone into a weird calm full-on panic mode. I know I didn’t hit them that hard (it was right after a stop light); both cars were still drivable. Everyone at the scene basically ignored me as they tended to the others until finally an EMT asked if I was hurt. It’s amazing that in a situation like that I manage to keep my wits and sarcasm.
EMT: “What did you dooo?” (in a joking manner)
Me: “I didn’t hit them that hard. I’m so confused.”
EMT: “I know. Some people just, you know. It’ll be okay.”
Me: “Easy for you to say! You’re not sending 2 people to the hospital.”
He laughs and promises me it’ll be okay. After a long conversation with my insurance and the police (who weren’t very friendly) calling tow trucks (my front right bumper was hitting the tire), finding out Enterprise was closed and getting a ride home from the tow truck guy, I came home to find my friend had invited people over to welcome me to Austin. The people at the party were friendly enough, but not really friends I ever see myself becoming close to or being my sole source of a social life.
It must be something about hurricane season that causes car accidents for me; the day after Katrina, I got into an accident and pretty much broke down in the middle of rush-hour traffic. My parents took it a lot better than I thought; after the usual lectures of being more careful, they told me not to worry since there’s nothing I can do now. I’m not very close to my parents on a personal level; I consider them parents, not friends, so any talk of my own emotions are troubles in life are rarely brought up (not to say they don’t want t know). So I was surprised to find myself explaining how hard it was this first week with work, no friends, and all this change. And being the parents that they are, they assured it would get better; new places and changes are always hard.
This morning on my way to sign papers for the car and pick up a few items I left, I got horrendously lost (GPS couldn’t find the address and sent me an hour north), only to find that insurance had towed the other party’s car to the place instead of mine. Made it to work an hour later in the rental PT cruiser (this thing guzzles gas, ugh) to be handed some work that I don’t understand and the art director has been bad about explaining. This kind of work is not what I’m used to and what I’ve always strayed from, but I thought it would be good to learn new things, no matter how rough it will be.
With everything that’s going on personally, I’ve taken a step back from some people and realizing I need to stop investing so much into every single friendship. I’m exhausted, drained, homesick and lukewarm about my job.
I want to believe I made the right choice. I do, but right now, things are feeling so out of control that all I can think about is running away. It’s not that I have regrets, surprisingly, but just feeling unsettled and tired of spending money. My first paycheck in 3.5 months comes in a week.
Sigh. Trying to stay cheerful, optimistic and not whine too much. I’m determined to make this work.
*Thanks to Melissa for the awarding our little blog with the Brillante Award! I feel so honored. =)
First, let’s all breathe a sigh of relief for the passing that is Gustav, but also hope for the best in the communities that got hit badly. It was a tense weekend as I crashed on Mr. Former Harmless Crush’s couch with our laptops and watching the news with bated breath. He finally demanded we get out to take some time away from the doom and gloom, so we ran around Dave & Buster’s Sunday night and forgot about reality for a couple hours.
I left Houston on Monday and moved into Austin; the actual move was short since half my stuff is still in New Orleans. I still feel unsettled since I’m only at my friend’s temporarily until I make enough to move out and closer to work (a 40-minute heavy crawl in traffic to work is not worth the cheap rent and large space). I also have no idea where I’m going in this city and the newly purchased shiny GPS doesn’t ease the discomfort of being completely unaware of Austin’s geography and not knowing anyone.
My first day of work for the second time this year was yesterday. It was the exact opposite of my first day at my last company in February. One of my biggest worries was this “corporate” environment that I’m not used to, but I decided I was up for the challenge of learning more and experiencing outside my comfort zone. And outside my comfort zone it has proven to be.
When I arrived Tuesday morning, the HR woman greeted me warmly and showed me where I would be sitting. Due to the quickly expanding offices of these two companies sharing a space, I was stuck without a cubicle in a lone desk against a window with my back facing the rest of the large room. I hate this position due to sheer paranoia of people popping up behind me (I solved this problem at the last job by placing a little mirror on the wall). But it is what it is and until I find my place in situations, I’m painfully shy and passive. And so I sat. And sat. For an hour doing nothing but skimming over the folder of paper introducing me to the company and the usual computer setups. An hour later, HR lady showed up again and we went through a 30-minute explanation of an even bigger folder of paperwork (another woman started the same day, but was much older and a little cold). Then back to the desk I went. And sat and sat and sat some more.
I guess I was expecting a lunch excursion or a tour of the office or meeting the team, but no one spoke to me or wondered about the new person sitting there. And I kept on sitting there, surfing the web until the hunger pains became excruciating and encouraging emails from my old office sent me to the streets of downtown Austin looking for food. Of course, not knowing my way around, I wandered for a bit in the 90-degree heat and contemplated running away. The rest of the day was like that; other than a short meeting with the art director to show me some work, I spent the day alone at the desk reading encouraging emails from my old office and trying to tackle the large stack of paperwork. Also, to add to the hilarity of this situation, the art director had incredibly bad breath and body odor. No matter how much I leaned back in the seat or away from him, the smell permeated every breathing space around me.
Of course, there’s the usual comments of, “It’s the first day. It’ll get better” and “Maybe everyone was just very busy” (which is true, due to transitions in the company right now) and “Go talk to someone.” But I’m not kidding when I say I’m seized by a bizarre case of social anxiety in unknown and new situations. No matter how many new things I’ve tried this year, suddenly fixing that problem will not happen. So please don’t tell me to just start talking to people. Everyone’s really busy and due to these transitions this week, everyone’s tensed and stressed. Sitting here alone has made me feel like going to the bathroom and crying (that I couldn’t find for the first half of the day due to no tour of the office). I almost burst out crying yesterday after lunch and it takes a lot to even get to that point of holding back tears. The one person that introduced herself only stopped by after seeing my Greece photos on my desktop background and didn’t realize I was new until the end of the short 2 minute conversation.
I thought day 2 would be better, but here I sit again. I showed up 9am and frankly, I could have arrived hours later and no one would have noticed. I feel horribly homesick for my old job, St. Louis and New Orleans. I miss my giant large cubicle with massive file cabinets and pretty window view. I miss the close-knit environment of my funny co-workers that became like family in the short 4 months I was there. I miss having my boss be like a crazed uncle calling me on the phone whenever the ice cream truck ding-a-linged by. I miss Europe. I miss the feeling of being settled and knowing a city like the back of my hand. I miss having friends around.
But I knew it would be tough when I made this choice. Position-wise, I’m lower a rung, but being paid more. I took it with the idea that I could learn a lot in a bigger company, no matter how much I wasn’t a fan of the “corporate” environment. If anything, it was temporary until something better comes along. It’s not that I regret the choice to take this job/city over the other one; I know it’s the right long-term choice. But I’m not going to lie and say it’s hard not to think “what if?” or desperately crave familiarity.
And food.
P.S. Also, even though the attire of the office is casual with jeans and flip flops, all the girls are dressed incredibly cute. I do not own cute, so I need to go shopping (where the hell is the mall?!), but I have no money! And I need to find an apartment and furniture and move the rest of my stuff. I need to win the lottery.
After staying in hostels for 3 weeks in Europe, my standard for lodging has dropped. If there’s a bed, working bathroom and air condition, I’m relieved. So when Rachel, my partner in crime in Europe/quarterlife crisis, accepted a job the same day as me, we decided we had to have a last hurrah. Destin was our first thought, but with Fay running its way through Florida, we ditched that idea. Then we found out her dear grandmother had a free night at Beau Rivage in Mississippi (yeah yeah, not the ideal, but free night in a pretty posh place). Decision made!
On the way to Rachel’s, I had the feeling something was wrong with the brakes but forgot about it (I swear, I never learn to listen to the voice in my head). Of course, this haunted me later. On our happy blue sky way to Mississippi, I asked Rachel if she felt the road was slanted and how strange that was. She gave me a “you’re crazy” look and we kept on driving. But life likes to mess with me and a few minutes later, the car started vibrating and down goes my back left tire. I managed to pull over on a wide section of the shoulder and we both got out and stared at the horror of the tire rubber in pieces. As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t change a tire to save my life. I know the general procedure, but not confident enough to do it and feel safe driving. Two minutes later, a cop magically showed up and with no questions asked, changed our tire and we were on our way in 15. Talk about an angel! Didn’t hurt he wasn’t bad looking. I guess I just have horrible luck with road trip snafus. With the burning tire in the trunk, we headed to our destination.
Mrs. Sheila met us at the hotel and showed us our VIP room. It was massive with beautiful beds, large bathroom the size of some of our hostel room and a pretty flat screen. Apparently gambling a lot means a lot of free things and VIP treatment because after a swim in the pretty pool, free amazing buffet (you know, the casino kind where there’s EVERYTHING) and some gambling, we came back to a dimly lit room with music turned on, chocolates on our pillow and turn-down service.
After a relaxing night, we got in the car with the burning tire to find out that Gustav was headed our way. Sigh. Vacation over. After some obligatory joking, we faced the reality. The “good news” is I was moving to Austin this weekend anyway with little stress due to everything being still packed up. The bad news is if there’s an evacuation, the entire city is going to flee on the same day I leave. 5 hours to Houston turns into 15 and as much as I love road trips, sitting in the car at a standstill is not fun. Then came the realization that if I left early, I would also have to prep the house as if a hurricane was coming. Given that my parents are out of the country still and my sister isn’t the most responsible person, I suddenly realized I had to undergo my first evacuation alone (I was in St. Louis during Katrina).
Locating important documents, cleaning the back yard, moving things slightly higher and packing my car ended up sending me into a frozen state; for about three hours, I hid in my room to avoid the 94 degree sun and watched a movie. My neighbors already cornered me and demanded that I knock on their door if we needed anything (Mr. L started cutting our grass when my dad got sick). But it is what it is and part of being an adult is facing the reality of the situation, so I packed the car (fourth time this summer) and somehow managed to get everything done without having another breakdown.
So off I go to my new life tomorrow; I desperately hope I’ll have this life to return to. But like all true New Orleanians, I’m not going to worry until I have to worry. Most likely, it won’t hit or we’ll get some flooding, so until then, I’m going to take a breath and dive into the next chapter! Luck to all those leaving or staying. I’m sad to miss out on those hurricane parties. 
The autumn wind, and the winter winds – they have come and gone
And still the days, those lonely days – they go on and on
And guess who sighs his lullabies – through nights that never end
My fickle friend, the summer wind
-The Summer Wind
This summer, the wind has decided to blow me every which way. Out of the comfort of St. Louis, into the wonder of Greece and Italy, through the beauty of California, the bigness of Texas and back home to New Orleans. As of Tuesday night, my decision was made. I decided to be excited and pro-active and embrace living in the city I grew up, no matter how tough it would be. It’s all in the attitude, right?
I wrote out 3 unsent emails at 1am that morning: one to Austin declining the job; another to the friends that were subject to my arguing in circles; a third to those unaware of it all. I would call New Orleans in the morning to give them my choice and see if they had agreed to the measly $1500/year salary increase (Austin had offered $4500 more). It was never about the money, but about New Orleans knowing I had better options and pay elsewhere. I fell asleep, completely at peace with my decision.
But life likes to mess with me or in this case, the summer wind. To my surprise, the boss wanted me to come in for another round of interviews and meet the interactive team to make sure we got along. This would have been all nice and dandy except a week ago, he had already offered me a job (I was lying on the ugly beach in Galveston when I got the call). And this is what’s nagged me about their process all along; they refused to talk salary until I demanded that I needed to know or I couldn’t make a decision. Confused by this sudden turn of events, I went in yesterday for one of the strangest interviews of my life.
I’m going to preface this with I’ve been on a lot of interviews in my life; one of my most embarassing stories happened at a round 2 interview that I uncharastically bombed (I’ll save this for another day; it’s a thing of legend). So when I walked in, I suddenly got the feeling it was going to be very similiar. These people must have had been handed a game plan on how to treat me in this interview because THREE rounds later, I was drained. They grilled me. And when I mean grill, I mean threw everything at me they could.
But I was prepared. I’m not sure what it was, but I stayed cool and answered their questions without a blink or a flinch. One girl who came in with some serious issues with me and was the meanest of the bunch:
“You seem to have moved up very quickly in the last three years (scribbles “4 months” on my resume and double underlines it). You went from senior designer to art director in that short of time, huh? Well, HERE, we have a hiearchy and it’s strict and we all follow it.”
Translation: “You can’t just waltz in! I want your job and you have to work for respect.”
“If I gave you X, how fast can you do it by? Because we’re on a timeline and we stick to it.”
Without even thinking, I snapped back, “How fast do you want it? If you want it in an hour, you get it an hour. Might not be its best, but you tell me what you need and I’m there.”
“Well, just so you know, working with the creative director means you have to give up your vision sometimes. At the end of the day, it’s his idea and his project, so you need to give up ego.”
I’ll spare the details of the next few rounds, but it was rough. Unlike the last interview I had like this, I didn’t blow it. Truthfully, I walked away filling confused about their intentions, but pretty damn proud of myself for rocking it. He promised I would get a call in the morning with a possible offer (negating the one he already offered me?!). So I spent a restless night trying to make a choice. This morning, he called bright and early and offered (with only a $500 increase); to his surprise, I told him I would call him back in an hour.
I panicked.
And panicked.
Then I remembered what someone told me: “Most people want to be a big fish in a small pond, but I think being a small fish in a big pond means you have room to grow and be a big fish in a big pond.”
And with that thought, I made the call and changed everything. Things move fast, don’t they? I move to Austin next weekend and start next Tuesday. A good friend is letting me stay with her until I make money to move to my own place and come back for the rest of my things. So that’s that. I’m jumping head in and after telling New Orleans my choice (they freaked and got mad that I was still considering Austin when I went in yesterday), I’m confident I chose the right place. I cannot wait to get back to work!
“If you truly expect to realize your dreams, abandon the need for blanket approval. If conforming to everyone’s expectations is the number one goal, you have sacrificed your uniqueness, and therefore your excellence.” – Hope Solo, U.S. Olympic Soccer
Be careful what you wish for, huh?
As I’ve hinted before, I have some crucial decisions coming my way. And now they’re here and I think I’ve never been more lost. Here’s the skinny:
I have two jobs on the table; I was all set for Job A in Austin until Job B in New Orleans suddenly called out of the blue. I hadn’t been looking in New Orleans or even considering it since there isn’t many opportunities here, and voila, it fell in my lap! The breakdown:
**JOB A**
location: Austin, TX (with worldwide offices)
salary: great; would live comfortably
relocation $: no, but upped my salary because of it
creative work: not great, but definite potential in the future
environment: a little corporate
situation: a little volatile
benefits: not bad
So the thing with Job A is that it’s connected with another company that we’ll call DE that is being slammed everywhere for its lack of work and problems with Giant Corporate Client. As in, everyone knows and it would be jumping on a sinking ship (I did my research, thank goodness). Job A does work for DE because the latter is still trying to get its act together with people and they’re under the same umbrella organization. When I walked into the interview this morning (they were taking forever flying me out and I needed to make a choice ASAP due to dwindling bank funds, so I told them I was driving there), I walked into a sign that was for DE. Bad.
Already feeling annoyed, I sat down and met a few people and the usual talks commenced. I walked in, knowing that I pretty much had the job already, and they made an offer soon after. But of course, you can’t ignore the GIANT elephant in the room that is Job A’s connection with DE. I brought it up; they brought it up. I expressed my concern for working with only one client that is notoriously a headache and huge problem and was very honest about not wanting to work for DE. They were understanding and knew it was coming and assured me I was getting the offer from Job A, not DE, but for the first few months, it would be a transition while they got their footing with new clients and divorced themselves from DE. If DE and Giant Corporate Client fall apart, I would still have a job. It’s a risk, but if it panned out, would be great for my career and a chance to start in a new city.
Lots of nodding, handshaking and a promise of thinking.
**JOB B**
location: New Orleans (biggest ad agency in Louisiana)
salary: still waiting, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be a LOT less than A
relocation $: none needed, but would definitely be moving out of home
creative work: my dream come true; clients I’ve always wanted to work with
environment: family-oriented, much like my last beloved job in STL
situation: good, not going anywhere
benefits: not bad (wouldn’t need those vacation days to come home for holidays)
Now, who wouldn’t want Job B? The issue is, of course, the city. Not that I don’t love New Orleans, but a part of that is the relaxation I get when coming home for vacation. I’m not sure I’m ready to live here yet and settle down. Cost of living isn’t what it used to be either. The job and its great clients dropped in my lap years early (this was my plan for the future when/if I moved back to NOLA). I know I’m meet new people, but it’s not the same kind of people and situation that would be in Austin. The whole reason I left STL was to start a new thing in a new place. As much as I love my friends at home, it’s not the same kind of life I envisioned for myself. And yeah, dating isn’t a priority for me right now, but I have to think about it eventually and I already know the kind of guy I’ll marry if I stay here. Which may not be a good thing.
But it’s hard to turn down an incredible opportunity creatively and do what I’ve always wanted to do in helping the city catch up with everyone interactively. I would be in charge of a lot of projects, interact directly with clients and have a real hands-on experience. The other job, not so much. It’s technically a lower position, but there’s good potential to move up quickly.
So now what? I tried the “heart vs brain” thing and that got me nowhere. There’s no easy answer and truth be told, there’s no wrong answer either. I’ll be fine either way and obviously, I’m lucky to be even given a choice.
Help!
“And your new nickname will be … Scorpion.”
Mr. Bruised Ego’s little sister grinned widely at me as she announced it to her family at dinner. The 6 other people looked confused by the nickname, but she was onto her next victim, dubbing her Mr. Bruised Ego as “Pretty Pretty Princess” and her two other brothers as “Girly Girl” and “Odd.” Pretty Pretty Princess’ friend visiting from NY was granted “Pen” due to her mistaking his last name as “Penicillin.” Ah, the mind of a 11-year old girl. I think I’m her newest favorite person.
I grew up with a small family: my parents, my younger sister and me. All our extended family lived out of the country, so there were never massive family reunions or dinners or parties at holidays. I was lucky to grow up with a large crowd of kids my age from the close knit group of friends my parents made, but it was never really the same. Tonight, I experienced first hand what it’s like to have a big immediate family.
After spending a day baking in the hot sweltering sun (first day of no massive thunderstorms in weeks!) in the Quarter with Pen and Mr. Bruised Ego, we sat down to dinner with the latter’s family. Having spent Thanksgiving with his huge extended Italian family in the past, I was no stranger to their dynamic, but when you’re sitting at a table with 4 bickering siblings, 2 parents, 2 dogs and an out-of-town guest, it’s an experience.
Because I’m not close to my sister, it’s fascinating to watch other siblings interact, especially when they’re so much alike. Mr. Bruised Ego’s youngest brother, at the tender age of 15, is a spitting image physically of the oldest (Mr. Bruised Ego) with the hormones and girl-loving ways of 23-year older brother. But how the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! His arrogance and inflated sense of self at such a young age has caused worry for his two older brothers and both have tried unsuccesfully to intervene. They blame it on their male cousins, but in the end, the kid’s surrounded by a lot of older men who are all a bit hormonal and love women.
Having not grown up around cousins and brothers and older sisters, I wonder how differently I would have turned out if I had. Would I be more confident or more insecure? Watching his little sister as a tiny version of a command leader of troops that has a flair for the dramatic makes me laugh. At her age, I was incredibly shy and barely spoke unless I was around good friends, but I guess when you’re the only girl and the youngest in a family of boys, you have to make yourself known. Good luck to her future boyfriends; she’s definitely not going to take any crap from any boy!
Capped the night with a fabulous jazz set by Charmaine Neville (sister of the Neville brothers) at Snug Harbor and it relaxed my chaotic mind and emotions as of late. So many decisions to make in the very very near future and I have absolutely no clue what the right one is. What happens when your future falls into your lap 5 years early, in a city you just aren’t ready for?
(Also, Pen’s not too bad looking…)
