The Independent Girl’s Dilemma

by Penelope Smallbone

As a young woman in this world there is a lot to think about when it comes to dating. Dating is a fun way to meet new people and socialize, but there’s the inevitable fact that it will probably lead somewhere. (That place could be nowhere except another curious address book entry.)

I’m an unusual case. I like being single. I think it’s great! I can do whatever I want and I don’t have to check with anyone, don’t have to tell anyone about it (except for my coupled friends to tell them how fabulous my life is), and I have as much freedom as I can muster.

However I am still human. And the bare fact of life is that people need people. There will always be a time when I just want someone to hold me. And I would like that person to leave around 10:30 the next morning. Now, when a woman says the following sentence to a man:

“I’m not looking for anything serious right now. Just hanging out and hooking up is fine with me!”

He says:

“Great. Me either. This is awesome!”

But for some reason this never works out. In my own mind I’ve thought of a million reasons why he might not call back. (Obviously it’s not because he didn’t like me. I am awesome. And hot.) But maybe he met someone else… Maybe he’s really busy. Maybe he’s not sure if I liked him? The idea that I keep returning to is the plain fact that men do not believe women when they say we’re not looking for something serious. They must believe that all women are looking for a relationship ALL the time, and that every single woman secretly wants to be married right away and have lots babies ASAP.

So what’s a girl to do?! How does she achieve the consistent casual hookup that fulfills the basic needs but presents none of those pesky commitment issues?