Oops. And Oops Again.

by Jane Moneypenny

I’ve always been the kind of girl that holds it together in front of a guy she’s crushing on. I’ll be a bit awkward (such as not maintaining eye contact) while my heart is pounding, but I will try my hardest to play it cool in the aftermath of some fun bantering and flirting. I try not to appear eager and instead, approach things in a friendly manner and hope things continue on (all the while, freaking out internally and to my friends).

Until now.

A male friend is always telling me, “Don’t be gun-shy!” And in the first few weeks of 2008, I certainly followed the advice.

I had a pretty great New Year’s that surpassed years’ past. NYE tends to be a letdown; everyone hopes for that crazy fun party and shenanigans, but I more often than not, end up at a friend’s family party watching the fireworks and the couples around me kiss. So this year with the motto of “carpe diem” and “great in ’08” and all that, I went out with a group of friends downtown. To make a long story short, I walked away kinda giddy and crushing on a guy I’ve known for awhile, but has just recently reappeared in my life.

Needless to say, I lost any sense of playing it cool and sent him a message through Facebook thanking him for a fun time. And a couple days later, another quick message asking how a job interview went along with a hilarious card from someecards.com commenting on our quarter-life crises. After all, what’s contact between friends, especially when there was seemingly mutual attraction, flirting and touching?

Yeah. He didn’t reply. Not a peep out of him. Of course, there’s the phase of making excuses for him: “Oh, he must be busy” or “He’s thinking of something witty and charming to say back.” But let’s be honest! Women need to stop making excuses for men that don’t call. I wish I could desperately turn back time and delete those actions or find some way to halt the internet to retrieve these messages. I should have left the night just as: a fun casual time with a cute guy. Instead, I forgot my respect somewhere and came on too strong and freaked him out (or he thinks I’m one of those girls that just falls hard and desperately wants a boyfriend).

“He’s just not that into you” is the clichĂ©d response to the situation and it’s supposed to make it all okay because you KNOW; there’s no hanging questions of “Does he? Does he not?” But I’m going to go ahead and say, it doesn’t make my heart stop beating at the thought of my over-eager moves.

That’s the problem with chemistry. For whatever reason, I have a stupid notion that chemistry between a guy and a girl is hard to come by and when it happens, I have to see it through. But is chemistry really chemistry if it’s not two-sided? Or is that just attraction?