The Art of Being Single: Chapter 2

by Jane Moneypenny

This is a follow-up on my previous post, The Art of Being Single.

Unlike my dear friend and co-author for this blog, Miss Smallbone, I’ve had a very quiet few months on the men front. Although I’ve been single for years, there’s always been some guy in and out that I’ve emotionally been struggling with. 2008 seems to have changed all that. In the last few months, other than a crush here or there, it’s been just me. No drama, no crying emotional toil, no guy that I have in mind when I take those stupid Cosmo quizzes while waiting at the airport.

I managed to leave work early (and by early, I mean at 5pm) yesterday for the first time since I started this job. It was glorious as I stepped outside into the bitter cold and then actually had the time to reflect on 2008 so far. To my surprise, I realized that in my resolution not to get tied up with men not good for me, I had made all these life-changing decisions. Whether those 2 factors are tied together is up for interpretation, but the bottom line is I seem to be really thinking about myself for once.

In 3 months, I’ve managed to end contact with 2 men that caused a lot of emotional drama, emotionally distanced myself from self-absorbed/selfish friend, finally make the decision to move out of St. Louis and go back to New Orleans for the summer, fulfill a life-long dream of backpacking in Europe, quit my job, got an offer on a really great new job and take a kickboxing class. Who knew that I would actually stick to my resolutions this year? This never happens! Of course, it’s been a tiny bit lonely, but overall, I find that I’ve been tackling all these changes head-on that I used to run from. So it begs the question if my attachment to guys is what was holding me back. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-relationships; I’m just pro-single. But until now, I never really reaped the benefits of truly doing things for the pure reason of wanting them for myself and my life.

I fully believe that relationships succeed when you find a person that challenges you to continue that search for yourself. A college professor told me that I should always reach for something bigger than myself so I would have room to grow, and I only hope that when I finally do find that guy willing to take on everything that is good and bad about me, he’ll push me to continue this quest to taste life.

But no rush. For now, I’m going to enjoy this “truly” being single thing and jump into everything head first, even if I’m about to throw up from fear.