Maybe Committing Won’t Be a Problem…

by Penelope Smallbone

Sigh… We women are never happy. We always want what we don’t have and always bitch about the things we do have.

So here’s the problem. I’ve been seeing this guy for a month about once or twice a week, but I’ve realized that he never calls me. Every time I call him he totally comes over or we hang out, no question. So I don’t think the issue is that he is uninterested. But I’m worried that I haven’t properly “trained” this one to know that he needs to call me as well. (The concept of training men is one that has been taught to me by my own father, so I feel like it’s not a sneaky girl move but instead a fact of life…!)

Part of me thinks, “This is so rude and disrespectful! He should call me too if he wants to see me. Forgettaboutit. If he doesn’t feel compelled to call and see me, too, then I don’t need to worry about him either.” Hence the relationship would die because neither of us would be contacting each other at all.

And then the silly irrational woman side says, “No no. He works nights so he obviously can’t call me when I’m done with work… And he does seem to come over every time I ask, so he’s at least interested… Maybe he just doesn’t like to call people?” And this could go on forever with me calling and having complete control over the proceedings of the relationship, but without any of the spontaneity or pleasures of knowing that he’s calling because he wants to see me.

And the third side of me thinks maybe I’m putting too much thought into this and I should just let things happen. One of my ex-boyfriends got mad at me once about this issue. He insisted that women are too obsessed with who calls whom and when and why. He said, “I’m a guy. If I want to see you I’m going to call you, but I’m not going to call just to say hi or just because. I don’t know why you waste your time worrying about who calls whom… just call me if you want to.” He turned out to be a jerk so I tend not to put too much stock in his commentary, but that one phrase stuck with me for some reason. So do I just keep calling and not worry about it? Or is it safe to assume that the ex is right, and if this guy isn’t calling maybe it’s because he doesn’t really care about seeing me?

I’m starting to realize being single is better than all this relationship nonsense — something I’ve known all along — but I guess it takes a little of the other side to appreciate what you’ve got!