The Defintion of Timing

by Jane Moneypenny

Read last night’s entry as a precursor to this one:

Right when I said this line about:

“And then I was missed the last guy I dated, even if he was an asshole. But only for the quick flashes of fun moments. ”

I find out he’s in a relationship. “Mr.-I-don’t-want-a-girlfriend” is in a relationship. 3 months ago, we had an insanely honest conversation where we both agreed we weren’t looking for anything serious, but due to my gut instinct for protecting myself for further getting hurt, I walked away from it. So it must be serious because he didn’t do commitment. I never wanted that from him, but I wanted him to respect me enough to call and not be so self-centered. I’m not going to lie: our chemistry was incredible – the kind where you want to jump the other when in the same room and we had a strong flirtatious banter that never died, even when we were mad. It’s near impossible to walk away from something so strong.

I tried explaining to a few close friends the situation and they really couldn’t understand. My best friend who just got married in December couldn’t fully grasp my feelings since she’s never been hurt. Ever. She got lucky with boyfriend #1. It doesn’t matter that I know I deserved better or that it was the right choice or that I’m leaving. The funny part is dating this guy was the true push that got me over my torturous ex, which led me to make the choice to leave St. Louis. So I guess I have him to thank. But it doesn’t ease the prick of hurt. Sigh. A few years ago, a close friend decided he liked me and I pointed out that he was always going on about how he loved being single. And even though I didn’t feel the same way, his response was something that will always warm my heart, “I think you’re worth not being single for.”

What is it with guys I get close to either platonically or more, automatically finding a serious girlfriend or getting engaged right after their thing with me? I even predicted it months ago when we were still dating that this would happen; I can still find the email in my inbox. A few other ones are already engaged/married and others are on their way. I must have some good luck vibe; the same thing happens at the casinos! Whoever I’m near wins and wins and I just keeping losing.

But everything happens for a reason, right? This just re-confirmed that I made the right choice on leaving.

(I’m not even going to eat ice cream in response. Mostly because I had a huge waffle cone of it earlier before found out the news. Instead, I’m going to put some jazz vinyls on my record player and do work. Actually, come to think of it, I haven’t been hungry at all lately. I used to have to eat every 3-4 hours, but now I find myself going 6-7 and being absolutely fine. It’s kinda freaking me out! I love my food!).