Notes On The Benefit of Having Married Friends

by Penelope Smallbone

I had a very disappointing night. I’m not exactly sure what’s wrong with me, but I seem to be crushing on 3 of the 6 eligible men on my soccer/dodgeball teams. We all went out last night and I spent a large part of my night chatting up Mr. Mexico City, the sweet, Latino, sexy, [voluntarily] bald banker who showed up in a really well-tailored suit* last night, and who I’ve actually been in love with since he shook my hand Hello last August. Sighh… After about 30 minutes of conversation, I got the message that he does not reciprocate my feelings. I’m not used to having men not be interested in me, and it’s like I just can’t win with him. It’s kind of disorienting. Granted, I’m not exactly myself around him. I get nervous and timid and don’t always know the right words to say. And on top of my awkwardness, he’s pretty clearly uninterested. Not in an impolite way, though. He seems to either be oblivious to my advances or just not interested in dating at all right now. Either way, I’m having a tough time cracking the guy code on this one.

I was telling all of this to my soon-to-be-married friend this morning. I expressed my frustration at not being able to win him over, and also my frustration with dating in general right now. I don’t really want to be in a relationship, but I don’t necessarily want to be alone either. Overall I don’t know what I want (which is a whole other set of problems), and I would at least like to have a crush to keep things interesting. Her response was, “I know. Just be patient and don’t push it. Things will happen on their own. You don’t have to force it.” Plain, straightforward, no-frills advice. Beautiful.

In the past I have received similar advice from my other married friend: clear-cut, informed and usually 100% correct. So even though I complain A LOT about all my friends getting married (I am attending 5 weddings this year!) I guess there is some benefit. With their superb experience now they can counsel me on my love life. That’s the trade-off for allowing them to live vicariously through me. A win-win for all!

*Don’t even try to get between me and a man in a sophisticated, well-tailored suit. HOT!