That Feeling Called Gut

by Jane Moneypenny

Gut feeling is always a strong thing, isn’t it? No one dares go against it, especially if you pull it out in an arguement or discussion. It’s a card that is thrown on the table that declares, “Take that! Prove me wrong.”

And wrong it’s never been. The few times I went against it proved to be a failure and me lamenting over my betrayal of that almighty force. It wasn’t wrong when I suspected my ex of hooking up with a mutal friend; it was dead on that I should take my last job, even if it was only for four months. That feeling will start as a tiny push of realization from a passing comment and it sticks to your gut, making you question every little thing.

So it’s with that said, I have yet to really come to a decision, as much as I know what the right one probably is. Not that there’s even a right or wrong, but what’s the best path for me right now. Do I live for the long-run and live for the moment? I’ve notoriously always followed the first school of thought, but maybe this time, I have to just do what I need to do right now. Or do I just jump in and take the risk? My gut says I’ll be okay, even great, with either decision. Can I really make a life for myself here? Doubts keep slipping in. How do I work against that when it says choose the dream job, but live in the other city? Guess you can’t have everything.

Up to this point, most everyone’s been incredibly supportive of either decision. And yes, I’m making this choice for me and not anyone else, but it’s been helpful to hear people’s take on my concerns of living in New Orleans or working in Austin. It’s proved valuable in helping me view things differently. The few friends that I swore would say one thing said another and showed me I need to give myself more credit in my ability to keep moving when things are down. The 2-3 people (guys mentioned previously in this blog) that have been adamant against New Orleans have made it tough; makes me feel like I’m not getting something crucial. There’s been a few arguments, strong words, angry emails, but in the end, I threw out the “gut feeling” and it was silenced. That and, “Please support me in any decision I make, yeah? Your support really matters to me.” The power of words, huh?

And gut’s not wrong when I suddenly got the feeling that Mr. Harmless Crush has a thing for one of my best friends. A girl just knows these things, right? And until recently, I never thought much of it until she reacted to something differently than usual. The schemantics and logistics don’t matter, but it still pricks at me a bit. But that’s what it is; there’s a million galaxies and planets all revolving around one point and that point isn’t me. I’ve got bigger things to fry.

The end.