The Unlucky

by Jane Moneypenny

My bad luck continues to follow me like a dark cloud over my head, no matter how far I run. Got into a car accident this weekend (right after I found a great apartment only to discover later that it’s a lot further southwest than I realized). It’s funny how, even at the age of 25 and being on my own, my first thought in an accident is “My parents are going to kill me.”

I was completely at fault due to ignoring the inner voice in my head to not drive forward in a left turn only lane. Of course, the other car wasn’t happy with me and claimed pain and neck problems. Meanwhile, I’ve stepped into a thorny bush on the side of the road and staring at disbelief at my bleeding ankle.

The next thing I knew, ambulance and fire truck have shown up (yes, really) and neck braces are being placed on the two people in the other car. By this time, I’ve gone into a weird calm full-on panic mode. I know I didn’t hit them that hard (it was right after a stop light); both cars were still drivable. Everyone at the scene basically ignored me as they tended to the others until finally an EMT asked if I was hurt. It’s amazing that in a situation like that I manage to keep my wits and sarcasm.

EMT: “What did you dooo?” (in a joking manner)

Me: “I didn’t hit them that hard. I’m so confused.”

EMT: “I know. Some people just, you know. It’ll be okay.”

Me: “Easy for you to say! You’re not sending 2 people to the hospital.”

He laughs and promises me it’ll be okay. After a long conversation with my insurance and the police (who weren’t very friendly) calling tow trucks (my front right bumper was hitting the tire), finding out Enterprise was closed and getting a ride home from the tow truck guy, I came home to find my friend had invited people over to welcome me to Austin. The people at the party were friendly enough, but not really friends I ever see myself becoming close to or being my sole source of a social life.

It must be something about hurricane season that causes car accidents for me; the day after Katrina, I got into an accident and pretty much broke down in the middle of rush-hour traffic. My parents took it a lot better than I thought; after the usual lectures of being more careful, they told me not to worry since there’s nothing I can do now. I’m not very close to my parents on a personal level; I consider them parents, not friends, so any talk of my own emotions are troubles in life are rarely brought up (not to say they don’t want t know). So I was surprised to find myself explaining how hard it was this first week with work, no friends, and all this change. And being the parents that they are, they assured it would get better; new places and changes are always hard.

This morning on my way to sign papers for the car and pick up a few items I left, I got horrendously lost (GPS couldn’t find the address and sent me an hour north), only to find that insurance had towed the other party’s car to the place instead of mine. Made it to work an hour later in the rental PT cruiser (this thing guzzles gas, ugh) to be handed some work that I don’t understand and the art director has been bad about explaining. This kind of work is not what I’m used to and what I’ve always strayed from, but I thought it would be good to learn new things, no matter how rough it will be.

With everything that’s going on personally, I’ve taken a step back from some people  and realizing I need to stop investing so much into every single friendship. I’m exhausted, drained, homesick and lukewarm about my job.

I want to believe I made the right choice. I do, but right now, things are feeling so out of control that all I can think about is running away. It’s not that I have regrets, surprisingly, but just feeling unsettled and tired of spending money. My first paycheck in 3.5 months comes in a week.

Sigh. Trying to stay cheerful, optimistic and not whine too much. I’m determined to make this work.

*Thanks to Melissa for the awarding our little blog with the Brillante Award! I feel so honored. =)