25-year Old Seeking Confidence

by Jane Moneypenny

There are some days I wake up in the morning, stumble into the bathroom and sigh when I look into the mirror. Those are the days I hate my slight overbite (curses to me for not wearing my retainer enough when I was younger), hate my round face and chubby cheeks, hate that one breast is bigger than the other and wish my gut would magically eliminiate.

I never really had much a self-image or self-esteem issue until college when guys entered my life. Going to an all-girl Catholic high school actually boosted my confidence, never having to worry about how I looked or needing to impress someone. My high school boyfriend was the  local all-boy high school standard and I rarely felt insecure.

But now, at the age of 25 (26 in a little more than a week!), I seem to feel these issues weighing on me. It’s not something I obsess about, but it’s in the back of my mind when I see pictures of myself or have to meet new people. People who meet me always comment that I seem confident, sure of myself and ready to take on the world. Why do I feel the opposite? Starting over in new city seems to have made me evaluate every part of my life – my career, my personality, my social life…

And I’m still struggling, trying desperately to find patience. I have mixed feelings about my first birthday in Austin; it feels strange and unfamiliar, like I’m an imposter. The people around me still don’t seem to fully understand me and I don’t think I’ll ever fully trust them. It feels wrong to spend it with them. Isn’t that a strange thought?

Too bad moving to a new city didn’t entail a full physical makeover. But I guess that probably wouldn’t fix the inner angst that has been sticking to my insides for the last 8 months.

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