The Best Revenge

by Jane Moneypenny

The best revenge is living well.

I’ve tried to live by this for a long time. Initially, it was revenge for revenge’s sake and living my life fully for them, just so I could prove how awesome my life was without them. The more I got into the idea, it slowly changed to solely focusing about me. And despite all the angst and worries I’ve had since moving to Austin, I look at the overall picture and think I’m doing okay. International travels? Check. Secure job? Check. Good friends? Check.

So when two guys that played a large role in from my past popped back up last week, I went through a moment of slight panic. No matter how secure a person is in life, how far they’ve come from the breakup and hurt feelings, she still wants that thrilling validating thoughts of “My life is awesome. Yours isn’t. Bwhahaha.” It’s human nature; no point in denying it.

First up to bat, the emotionally abusive ex-bf that ruined my life for years. He reemerged on Facebook this week after taking a long absence for the last few years when he started dating someone while lying to me about it. This time, he’s back attempting to gain donations to run a half-marathon. A half-marathon! I can’t even run a 5K. Yes, he’s living at home, jobless and dating a crazy girl and still acts like he never advanced past the age of a college freshmen, but a tiny part of me still feels inadequate. We haven’t spoken and I don’t plan to ever initiate contact. The only time we’ve “talked” is a birthday text to the other on our respective birthdays. Okay, so maybe I AM doing better than him.

Second, the one after him, Mr. Anti-Commitment. He got engaged a few months ago; we stopped talking in May when I was in St. Louis and he canceled dinner plans last second due to some sudden worry about being unfair to his then-girlfriend. Understandable, of course, but he forgot the part where he was the one that started talking to me first again, flirting, sending inappropriate text messages and planned the get-together. To my surprise, he suddenly went “single” on Facebook last week and according to the mutual friend that introduced us, he finally realized everyone around him was right (including his mother) and they weren’t good together. I can’t help it; I laughed. Yes, it’s wrong to laugh at someone else’s misfortunes, but in this case, karma really happened.

I knew it was only a matter of time before he would message me. After all, now that it’s convenient for him, why not? That’s how all the men in my past do it.


I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened when you came to town. I felt like it would have been unfair to my girl at the time for me to go out to dinner with you. I should have said something to you much sooner & for that I apologize. It looks like you had an amazing trip. Everything seems to be going well, you are a really cool girl & deserve it… Sorry I was such an ass.”

Shocking. His usual messages after going MIA are along the lines of acting like nothing is wrong and we’re still great friends. The “reply” button glared at me, but I ignored it and hit “delete.” If I ever do reply, it certainly won’t be in the next week or even the next month. The petty part of me wants to say, “HAHAHAHAHA. Love, Jane.” But for now, I will let it disappear into the trash can of my past.

After all, I’m going to Puerto Rico for a week on Saturday. If living well is revenge, then revenge is really awesome.


Oh, DAMN IT. I knew it. I’m cursed! Pen is dating someone now. I’m not surprised at all. I felt like I got punched in the stomach. Ugh, I’m such an idiot. I really really am cursed. There’s no other explanation.