Simply a Masochist

by Jane Moneypenny

I’ve established that I must be a masochist* for the reasons below:

  1.  I just purchased my flight to Peru (using an absurd amount of miles) to do the Saklantay Trek to Machu Picchu (you know me: the road less traveled). After what happened with Kilimanjaro, the severe altitude sickness and almost dying (so they tell me), I’m honestly pretty scared. Masochist.
  2.  I continue to be friends with people who are, at the heart of it, very terrible friends in return. One thing is to be friends; another is to continue to be consistently there for them in their times of need. This is most often not reciprocated in my time of need. Masochist.
  3. I continue to hang around guys that are really just not worth it. Not because I actually see a future with them, but more that I have an absolute fear of dating. For years, I could hide it behind the excuse of “finding myself” and “enjoying single life” and “repairing myself after that asswipe that was my abusive ex-bf,” but I’ve done all that and now it’s just fear. Hanging around these dumbasses (I admit this is my own fault and this won’t change until I change my standard) is easier than dealing with the monster that is dating and love. Masochist.
  4. I keep going to weddings. So. many. weddings. Yes, I can say no, but these are very good friends. Yes, because I’m “at that age.” Whatever the reason is, after this latest stint with the bridezilla that no one saw coming, I’m still stupidly going to weddings and dropping so much money to other people’s happiness. It’s a double-edged sword: I honestly am so incredibly happy for them and really want to be there to celebrate, but the costs of these weddings is chipping faster at my very small budget. Masochist.
  5. I hate my job. A lot. But I continue to smile and take the dreaded work on with as much professionalism as I can, even when it’s time to stay late or work on the weekends. Masochist.

If the above isn’t enough reasons, I don’t know what else to call what I do.

 

*I don’t actually get PLEASURE from these things, but I couldn’t find a better word for this.

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