This is Dating?

by Jane Moneypenny

I’m not used to being liked. 99% of my history with guys consists of very stupid choices with not so great (usually drunk) men. These decisions are even worse since I don’t drink and don’t have alcohol has a legit excuse.

When I started this dating thing, I figured I would get what I put into it, which at this point, is still not a priority. The most recent guy, Mr. Reporter seemed to hold so much potential. For some reason, I ignored those silly numbers; I don’t remember why. Probably because he was one of the very few attractive guys to message me.

After a slightly strange, but flirty meet-up one night before New Year’s, we finally went on a first date. And it was awesome. Sushi, good conversation, cute nudges, flirty winks. I wasn’t over the moon about him and there was no hot lust that I was used to from previous guys, but it was a warm feeling of affection. So this is dating?

We hung out again the next night and we seemed to be past the first date politeness. When he offered for us to hang out somewhere or watch a movie at his house, I was quick to nix the latter. That night, he ranged from being incredibly sweet to being rude. He slipped strange little barbs that almost came off homophobic. Other jokes were patronizing comments about anything I did or said. The little feeling in my gut was starting to grow. The night ended with a few kisses, but nothing to get weak about. Actually, they were pretty subpar.

But hey, I’m keeping an open mind, right?

Long story short, we hung out again the next day and his jokes and attitude got ruder, stranger and possibly more homophobic. He may have called me a prude somewhere in that time. Needless to say, I left, thinking the situation was pretty over. No guilt, no sadness, nothing. I was relieved my gut was right and when looking at those silly numbers again, discovered we were only 50% compatible and 25% enemy. I guess the numbers do have a point. I deleted his from my phone right after.

To my surprised (but not shock), he popped up again today, wanting to hang out. And I ignored. And continued to ignore. But later on in tonight, I started to get a pinch of guilt wrapped up in loneliness and boredom. I suddenly had an urge to text him back, make out with him and feel that feeling of being wanted. He was a terrible guy and not a great kisser! Why the hell would I even entrain the idea? Yes, there are tons of fishes in the sea, but that nagging feeling kept bugging me. I was finally forced to call a guy friend over to watch a movie to keep me distracted.

Is this what will keep on happening? Dating is exhausting!